You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
