I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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