I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize