there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
