You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
