She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
