Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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