We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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