I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Randomize
