Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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