So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
