dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
