I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
