you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
