I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
