I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
