gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
