I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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