By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize