He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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