i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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