I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
Randomize
