what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
