When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if only i could text you this smell
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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