Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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