Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
