Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
