You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
vagina is talking i cant
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Randomize
