"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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