why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize