I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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