I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
last night I used snow as a chaser
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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