She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize