your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
