Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
