we have pet lesbian snakes
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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