i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Randomize
