how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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