So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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