Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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