I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I fill condoms, not promises.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
