If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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