Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I've blown a few things in my day
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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