I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
