did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
