Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
