I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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