no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
