At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
