CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Randomize
