I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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