Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize