can we get nightvision for the apartment?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
