I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
