i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
