Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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