Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
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