I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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