She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
our cab driver is having phone sex.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Randomize
