I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I have grass duct taped all over my body
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
