a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I look better un-naked...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
