How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
