So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
