I feel like abortions should bother me more
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
