Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
