I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
