Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
