AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I deserve this hangover.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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