You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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