If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize