i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
