Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Randomize
