Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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