Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
