I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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