i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm gonna fight the coyote
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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