I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
