walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
