Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
