yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
i will never coherently bang her
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
