I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
