Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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