HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
