He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize