if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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