Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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