Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
