its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
