Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Randomize
