Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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