im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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