ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize
