Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Someone shit on the floor
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
ttyl tear gas
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
wow bdsm is so cute
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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