We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
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