so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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