How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
