My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
we're making bets on your personal life
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I think i got beer on your cat.
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