Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I want to get a list going called "D list celebs I've kissed"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
