it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
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