Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
