Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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